As long as you're happy...

That's what my mom said when I told her I was thinking about dropping out of college. Not, "WHAT?!!!" In fact, there was no arguing about it. Simply, "I'm not happy with any of my classes, I don't feel good about the direction I'm headed, I feel my life calling me elsewhere." 

Of course there was the classic, "I just want to make sure you're not making this decision for the wrong reasons." We talked about the pros and cons, and I made my decision. I was skeptical at first, thanks to society burning the thought of "quick decisions are never rational ones" into my brain. And, of course, I can always go back...

But for some reason, I have the feeling that I won't, at least not any time soon. I'm sure my mom is hoping and praying that I will go back next semester (which is saying a lot, because praying's not her thing... at least, not in the traditional sense) But who knows what will happen in the future? The road is my highway! 

Where to now? My mind wanders off (as it so often does) to Italy, Spain, France, England, Japan! And then reality kicks back in... money... so wonderful when you have lots of it, and my worst enemy when I don't. Where does money come from? Certainly not trees, but maybe, o ya, a job! Which my current one isn't making ends meet, so I search elsewhere. A photography studio perhaps? Declined once already, but still determined to continue on! (After I've had a good cry and some chocolate, of course) Learning from my incredibly obvious mistakes and start over. Did I really think I'd get the first job I applied for? (well, yes, actually, seeing as the exact words were, "we'd love for you to work here, come by the office and we'll fill out all the paperwork and get you started!") 

My first bittersweet taste of living the life of the artist... Somewhat humiliating, but what I've dreamed about all my life. A slap in the face that really woke me up yelling, "HEY! Why so depressed? You're living your dream years before you ever thought you would! Now stop moping and take advantage of the opportunities waiting out there for you!"

I guess it took me a while to realize what my life's become, because it's not anything like I planned. Life never is. Expectations often lead you to the dead end of disappointment. So, when I have kids, I'm not going to ask them what they want to be when they grow up, or what they're plans are, I'll ask them if they're prepared to be surprised. I know I've never been one to follow the map my parents so graciously layed out for me, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't listen to my inner self and do whatever it takes to make myself happy.

So mom, I know you're probably worried about me. Even if everything's perfectly fine, you're worried about it because there's nothing wrong. (and I love you for that) but I'm going to hold you to your word: "As long as you're happy..."

Don't worry,

I'm happy.